I HATE the phrase "You do what's best for your family".
I really do. And not because I don't believe that that's what people do, but because I so often hear it used as a cop out.
I believe in doing things that better our family, definitely. I bust my butt to keep my home clean and safe, because that's good for us as a family. Trips to the zoo, the park, the orchard in the fall... these are all wonderful things for our family. A roof over our head, bills paid and food on the table? All very important things for the good of our family.
It's the folks who say they circumcised their son because it was what was best for their family.
WHAT?
I can't wrap my brain around this one. You cut off part of your son's body for the betterment of your entire family?
It's the folks who formula feed or wean early because "it's what's best for their family".
Really?
Alright. I'm not going to go down a list of all the things I see as silly to be using this phrase. I'm sure we can all list one or two where this phrase was used and it just didn't make sense.
I just need to say this:
I do NOT do what is best for my family. I do what is best for my child. Once I have evaluated what is the best course of action for my child, I factor in the family as a whole, if the family as a whole is applicable in the given situation.
Sure, not as catchy, but much, much more appropriate.
Does my son ALWAYS come first?
Believe it or not, for us, yes. He does. His happiness and health far outweigh anything else in our household. If we want a night out, we must first make sure his needs are met. Is he in a good mood and happy to go spend time with his grandma? Is his grandma available to babysit? Yes? Good, then we can have a night out.
Don't I want to display all my fun little knick knacks I've been collecting over the years? Of course, but I would rather not at the cost of keeping my son penned in one room or another. So, all my stuff goes up or in a box and he gets free range. It's what's best for him, after all.
As I am writing this, I'm racking my brain for an instance when I wouldn't take my son into consideration first before our family as a whole.. and I just can't think of one. That's the price you pay to be a parent. And one I pay gladly and without a second thought.
My friend added, "Yeah, I'll bet Andrea Yates thought she was doing what was best for her family..."
The other thing I notice with this phrase is it a person uses it specifically based on THEIR thoughts and opnions. Circumcision, well you do what is best for your family, but you don't vaccinate? Or it is best for your family to send your kids to school but you don't eat organic. KNow what I mean. I find that when people use these in certain instances, they are really showing what they are insecure about. The choices they have made and regret.
ReplyDeleteI second what J said...the phrase is often used as a cop out for sketchy decisions that have no real thought behind them (not always, but often). And despite what some parents claim, the decisions they sometimes make are not in the best interest of their children, it is sometimes solely for their own benefit. They claim otherwise because they don't want to reveal just how self-absorbed they are (especially to themselves).
ReplyDeleteAGREE with everything you said! It is the the response people use when they have not researched anything and know they have no good reason for doing something. I'm with you. My girl comes first. For both my husband and I she's top of the list and she's a very happy, well adjusted, confindent, friendly.... I can go on and on but putting her first has laid a foundation for her self esteem and I think it will be unshakeable the rest of her life because of her early years and how she will continue to be treated by us for the rest of her childhood.
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